Lord knows this is not the sort of thing guys brag about. But I have a ridiculously happy relationship with my significant other. Really, it's almost disgusting.

We paw each other in public. We goof around like a pair of simpletons. We basically act like giddy newlyweds. Sometimes we'll do something so revolting, like sitting on the couch and drawing smiley faces on the bottoms of each other's feet, that we're forced to make gagging noises to maintain our dignity.

See, I told you it was disgusting.