Dating Secret: What Makes Men Fall in Love
There's into you, and then there's head-over-heels gaga. These little things tip single men over that edge.
By Cosmopolitan Photo: Tamara Schlesinger Updated: Sep 4, 2008
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It's
a baffling dating question: Is there some specific
moment or event that makes a guy suddenly decide "Yes, I think I love
her"? Well, the answer isn't clear-cut, but there are some general
dating principles. "Men have certain innate needs that must be met
before they truly feel connected to you," says Paul Dobransky, MD,
author of "The
Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love." When a guy
realizes, consciously or not, that you're ideal on all these levels,
that's when he'll commit."
More Dating Articles from Cosmopolitan:Boiled
down,
guys have
four primal relationship desires that are sometimes sated by the
tiniest of dating moves by you.
guys have
four primal relationship desires that are sometimes sated by the
tiniest of dating moves by you. Here, experts
explain with examples so you can put these dating insights to use when
your guy is at the brink.
The Desire: To Protect
guys have
four primal relationship desires that are sometimes sated by the
tiniest of dating moves by you.
Believe
it or not, the so-called stoic sex is hardwired to nurture. Sheltering
you from harm makes him feel studly, which makes him feel good. "Not
that you should act helpless, but letting him see your vulnerable side
will bring him closer because it unlocks his instincts to take care of
you," says David Givens, PhD, author of "Love
Signals." So give him chances to take charge, and thank
him after he does. When a guy associates you with feeling like
Superman, of course he'll want to couple up. These little things can
draw out his hero side.
Give
him a job. Ask him to fix or build you something.
Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense
of success.
Ask his
opinion. Whether it's about your 401(k) options or the
best travel sites, it telegraphs that you value his brain as much as
you do his brawn.
Wear
soft materials. Delicate textures like rayon, silk,
and faux fur trigger an intense response in single
men. These fabrics accentuate your softer, feminine
nature, which heightens his amorous instincts.
Don his clothes. It shows that you've chosen him over other guys.
The Desire: FreedomEven
emotionally healthy single men want assurance that their identities
will stay put after they've become half a happy couple. "By making it
clear that you don't expect your guy to change, he'll feel like you
truly understand him but don't threaten his sense of self," says Dan
Neuharth, PhD, author of "Secrets You Keep from Yourself." "That leaves
him feeling on sturdy enough ground to commit." The following dating
moves let him know you're no ball and chain.
Blow
him off. Single men hate the idea of being tied down
socially, so turn down occasional plans. He'll not only feel easier --
and open up more -- around you, but he'll also start to wonder what
you're doing and pursue you more.
Share
your own fears.
Guys often hold back because they think most chicks
are baby-hungry ring-hunters
Guys often hold back because they think most chicks
are baby-hungry ring-hunters. So if you feel nervous
about committing, let him know. He'll be reassured that you're
navigating new waters too, not trying to trap him.
Guys often hold back because they think most chicks
are baby-hungry ring-hunters
Reinvent
yourself. Little changes in your appearance now and
then -- say, hair up in a ponytail one day, down the next, etc. --
remind him that you've got zillions of facets to your personality too.
Read: no rut risks.
Respect
his privacy. A physical space that's totally his is a
huge symbol of independence to a man. Signal that you respect that by,
say, staying out of desk drawers and not peeking at his caller ID when
his phone rings.
The Desire: To ShineMaybe
he's cocky, but he's still insecure. Trust us, guys need to know that
they're respected and appreciated. "When being around you increases a
guy's esteem, both internally and in the eyes of others, he'll
naturally want to be attached to you," says Dr. Dobransky. Here, things
that show your high value and nudge him toward love.
Make
him happier. Laugh when one of you loses balance
during an intimate moment. Go to stupid movies. Drag him out when he's
crabby. If you can keep things light, even during stressful times,
you'll become indispensable.
Be
a social butterfly. Guys are good at left-brain stuff,
like sales and sports, but can get awkward when it comes to social
graces. Take the lead and charm the people you meet and he'll be extra
grateful to have you. But he may take credit for making those new
friends... whatever.
Play
mind games. Activities that require mental prowess --
like Scrabble, puzzles, and chess -- can prod his passion. It sounds
nuts, but proof of your problem-solving abilities subconsciously shows
him you're a desirable choice for carrying on his genes.
Act
like the grand prize. Seeing you through other
people's eyes reminds him how special you are. Invite him to an event
where you'll excel (whether it's karaoke or a fun run), or have him
stand between you and another man you think is getting too close at a
bar.
The Desire: Comfort"Falling
in love is a process of developing attachment, which happens when
oxytocin floods the brain," says Alan Hirsch, MD, neurological director
of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. You can
unleash those love hormones by making him feel like you two just "fit."
When he's so comfortable with you that he stops thinking about your
relationship and simply enjoys it, he'll find himself nudged into love
territory. Take these dating
tips:
Let
him see you primp. Grooming in front of him enhances
intimacy because it's something other guys don't get to witness. Just
keep it goddesslike (applying lipstick or powder), not gross (bleaching
your moustache).
Cook
together. Being around food spikes oxytocin levels in
males. The more often you prep dinner a deux, the more he'll associate
you with the good feelings he gets from eating it.
Stock
your pad. When buying groceries you don't have a
preference on, get a brand he uses. He'll subconsciously feel at home
at your place. Catnap near him or let yourself doze off in his arms so
he sees you in your most trusting, completely relaxed
state.
What Yanks Him Back from the BrinkSome factors can derail a guy who's about to fall.
1) They Get a New Opportunity
A
promotion often means spending more hours at work. Instead of balancing
that with their love lives, guys tend to prioritize their careers and
believe that a solid relationship will endure the delay. So if
something big is brewing, he may hold himself back.
2) You Never Fight
Sure,
guys hate arguing, but it's worse if you don't react negatively at all
when he's screwed up. A guy will worry that (a) you're going to lash
out later, (b) you're a doormat, or (c) you're not into him enough to
care. Any of these will make him rethink your budding
relationship.
3) Pure Panic
Many
single men worry that if they commit, they'll have to give something up
-- friends, dart night, something. So when a guy realizes he's fallen
for you, he may freak out and pull away for a while. If you can weather
his big-baby behavior without reacting in a way that confirms those
fears, he should snap out of it.
Reprinted
with permission of Hearst Communications,
Inc.More Dating Articles
from Cosmopolitan:More Dating Tips for Women:- Six Dating Behaviors That Scare Single Men Away
- Dating Challenge: Overcoming Jealousy
- Dating 101: How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating
- Debunking the Dating Scarcity Myth
- What's Behind the Trend of Women Dating Younger Men?

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